


screams and dreams

by yooonverse



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Car Accidents, Choi Yeonjun-Centric, Hurt Choi Yeonjun, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, idk how to use tags yet heLP, soobin still appears a lot in the fanfic tho dont worry, yeonjun is basically alone in almost the whole fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29463678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yooonverse/pseuds/yooonverse
Summary: soobin's biggest dream was to stand on top of a mountain with yeonjun and scream his heart out, just like the scene he's read in his favorite book. He thought he'd live to experience his dream come true, until a tragic accident takes place and he gets involved in a car accident.with nothing but grief, yeonjun promises to make soobin's dream come true- whatever it takes.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. eternity

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first time I'm writing a yeonbin fanfic on ao3 so I hope you like it! This fanfic is kinda inspired by the movie "Up" :D 
> 
> The links you see on the beginning or somewhere in the middle of chapters that say "now playing : (song name)" are the slowed and reverb versions of the songs that I highly recommend listening to while reading that part since it sets the mood and those were probably the songs that inspired me to write that specific part <3

[now playing : changes (hayd)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s1I3g1aCWQ)

Yeonjun lay on his bed staring blankly at the ceiling, the moonlight piercing through the darkness filling his room. It's only been a week since Soobin's funeral and yet, it felt like it's been ages. Time seemed to fly fast for the people around him but as for Yeonjun, it felt like he was the only one stuck in the past. He didn't have the slightest idea how everyone else seemed to move on pretty quickly. Had he been able to convince Soobin that day to not take the taxi, he wouldn't have died. But accidents happen because of fate, and fate simply wasn't on their side that day.

The sudden ringing of Yeonjun's phone interrupted his train of thought. With much effort, he tried pushing himself off the bed to grab his phone from the top of the coffee table. 

"Hello?" he mumbled groggily. "Uh, hi! I called because I wanted to check up on you since you haven't been answering any of my calls lately. Taehyun's getting worried too," a familiar voice said through the phone. It was Beomgyu, one of his closest friends. It's been a while since he's heard his voice. "Hey Gyu, sorry for not answering any of your calls- things are... not going really well," Yeonjun apologized, feeling bad for pushing away his friends who only wanted to comfort him. "You don't have to apologize, I know what you feel about- you know-" Beomgyu stammered when Yeonjun cut him off. "Gyu, I really appreciate your concern but the truth is, you don't. You don't know how I feel at all. No one does." he sighed. Beomgyu stayed silent. Realizing what he had just said, Yeonjun apologized again, mentally smacking himself. "I'm sorry, Beomgyu- I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine, don't think about it too much," Beomgyu reassured. "Anyways, I was wondering if me and Taehyun could visit you tomorrow? Only if it's ok with you though," Yeonjun stared at the wall, contemplating whether he should allow them or not. The question wasn't if he should, the question was if he _could._ The apartment he and Soobin shared was a mess, even Yeonjun himself was a mess. His eyes roamed around the apartment, until it landed on a thick, brown book lying on top of the desk. It was Soobin's favorite book, titled "Eternity". Yeonjun bought it for him on his birthday last year, and he didn't expect Soobin to actually like it. He couldn't even count the number of times Soobin's read it. 

"Yeonjun? You still there?" 

"Y-yeah... I'll just call you when I make up my mind, ok?" he said, faking a smile to himself. "Ok then! See you tomorrow I hope- And _please, please take care of yourself_. Soobin wouldn't like the way you're treating yourself right now, wouldn't he? It's not your fault- it was an _accident_." Beomgyu said in desperation. "Well, bye I guess? I'm gonna call you again tomorrow ok?" he added in a more cheerful tone before ending the call. Yeonjun stared at his phone screen for a few seconds before completely breaking down on the floor. 

Of all people, why _his_ Soobin?

After around 15 minutes, Yeonjun's loud cries were soon replaced with silent weeps. With trembling hands, he grabbed "Eternity" and started reading it, sitting on the floor. He didn't even realize two hours had passed- he was too invested in the story. No wonder it wasSoobin's favorite book. If Soobin was there, he would've teased Yeonjun by suddenly dropping spoilers while he was reading. He would've laughed at the sight of Yeonjun crying because of how good the story was. He would've gently hugged Yeonjun from the back just like how he always liked it. But Soobin wasn't there, and he never would be again.

As he got to the end of the book, he noticed a piece of paper inserted in between the last two pages. Out of curiosity, he picked it up and read it out loud. 

_Dear Yeonjunnie,_

_Happy Anniversary!_

_I was supposed to give you this letter on Christmas but I think it would be better if I give it to you on our anniversary to make it feel more special, you know? Anyways- thanks a lot for this book. I really, really love it so much. I love how the characters in the story kinda reminded me of the two of us. The character named Daniel resembled you a lot, though. It was as if you were the same person!_ _You know that scene in the last chapter where they go to the top of a mountain and watch the sunset? I...kinda wanna do it with you : > I know there aren't mountains here in the city but can we travel to one? Think of it as a date._

_Yeonjun, thank you for everything. You were the only person who was there for me when no one else was. We were best friends until eventually we became something more than that. Something even more special. I hope that you won't change, and I hope that you would stay the same, the same as that boy I met 3 years ago under the rain who offered to give me a ride home._

_I hope we get to recreate that chapter in Eternity someday. I'm really excited about it, actually. We'd have our own Eternity moment, just the two of us on top of a mountain, watching the sunset. In the book, Elliot and Daniel still ended up being together after everything they've been through. That's us, isn't it? We've been together for 3 years, through thick and thin. And I'm a hundred percent sure that we too, will be forever together. For eternity._

_-Soobin_


	2. what ifs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> took me a couple of days before i was able to actually start on a second chapter but here we are :D schoolwork got in the way but i was finally able to work on this chapter omfg T~T if you wanna listen to the song i put then i guess you have to long press the link and click "open link in new tab" so you don't leave this site <3

[now playing : symphony (clean bandit feat. zara larsson)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpas7dAz4U4)

Soobin hummed happily to himself as he chose from the different jackets displayed in the department store. Would Yeonjun like the black leather one or the white cotton one? It was their anniversary in a few days and this was just one of his many surprises for his boyfriend. He was planning on buying Yeonjun clothes because he knew how much he loved them. Not only that, but he was also planning to bake a cake for him even though he hasn't really tried baking before. But he can try, can't he? He paid for everything else in the cashier and left the mall. 

As he was walking on the sidewalk, his phone rang from his pocket and pulled it out. Yeonjun was calling. 

"Hello?? _Where are you I swear to God_ -" Soobin heard Yeonjun's panicked voice. Soobin could only laugh; he remembered secretly sneaking to the mall while Yeonjun was still asleep because he didn't want to wake him up since he looked really, really worn out.

"I just went grocery shopping, calm down for God's sake!" Soobin said, feeling pretty bad for lying. Of course he didn't go grocery shopping.

"Well you could've at least told me! Wait- _you went without me?_ " Soobin almost melted at hearing Yeonjun's whiny voice; he could already imagine his pouting face. 

"Don't worry, I'm just gonna pass by a shop and come straight home, ok?" 

"I'll just pick you up! Besides, I'm not busy right now," Yeonjun offered.

"No, it's fine! You should get some rest. You stayed up all night finishing that 25 page essay, you deserve some rest. I'll just call a taxi," 

"But-

"Get. Some. Rest." Soobin insisted. He really didn't want to bother Yeonjun and he also wanted to keep everything he bought for him a secret until their anniversary. He waved his hand to signal a vacant taxi. "Well if you insist," Yeonjun sighed reluctantly as Soobin got into the taxi. "I love you!" Yeonjun added, making Soobin grin and blush intensely.

" _I love you too._ "

Yeonjun was cooking lunch for Soobin, excited at how he would react since Soobin was usually the one who cooked among the two of them. He was cooking Aglio e Olio, and it was his second time trying to cook it. His first one ended up _on the floor_ , and Soobin mercilessly teased him about it for a week. Yeonjun almost dropped the plate of his Aglio e Olio (again) in surprise as the doorbell rang. "Soobin's home already? I guess the there wasn't much traffic," he grinned to himself as he excitedly placed the plate on the table and opened the door, only to find two policemen. "Do you know Choi Soobin?" one of them asked.

Yeonjun was frozen on the spot. _Why were policemen knocking on their door? Did something happen? What did Soobin have to do with anything?_ Millions of questions ran frantically through his mind, and he was unable to breathe properly. "Y-yes. Why?" was all he could muster. "A truck crashed into the taxi he was in while it was crossing an intersection. We're sorry but-" the policeman hesitated for a second, feeling sorry for the poor boy. But he had to say it. "-he didn't make it. He was found dead on the spot." 

The rest of the policeman's words were inaudible to Yeonjun. 

_accident_

_truck_

_dead_

Dead. Soobin was dead. Part of Yeonjun wanted to deny the fact and believe everything else was a lie. He desperately tried to convince himself that Soobin _would_ come home in just a few minutes, and that the policemen just mixed him up with another guy...also named Choi Soobin? Yeonjun felt like the world was crashing on him. There was no way Soobin could've actually died right? Just a few minutes ago he was just talking to him over the phone, and he offered to pick him up. _But Soobin did take a taxi. And it was a taxi that got hit by a truck._

Yeonjun tried to calm himself down but failed miserably as his legs trembled and the next thing he knew, he was on the floor. He was too in shock that tears couldn't even form in his eyes. He grabbed his phone immediately and tried calling Soobin with naïve hope, hoping he would answer. But he didn't. Yeonjun tried calling several times, the situation finally sinking in with every attempt. _What if he was really gone?_ Yeonjun laughed in denial. There's no way Soobin could've just left him like that.

But deep down, Yeonjun knew. As much as he tried to ignore it, he already knew. He already knew that Soobin was never coming home. 

_And it was all his fault._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok im just gonna keep my chapters this long, i guess? and btw- i was just rewatching old music videos on youtube until i came across symphony and the music video really reminded me of this scene. there were two boys (they were brothers, i guess?) and one got hit by a car while he was riding a bike.
> 
> i remember crying over the song and music video like- two years ago and it still hits hard until now. so yea, i hope you like the story and let me know what you think! :3


	3. lost

[now playing : ghosting (txt)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTKOyZtmvB8)

Yeonjun inhaled the cold midnight air surrounding him as he was walking. It was his and Soobin's anniversary in five days and after reading the letter Soobin was supposed to give him, he decided to do the one thing he never saw himself doing: _traveling alone._ With Soobin it would've been a very exciting adventure for him, but this time he was alone and scared. Heck, he was just a broke college student who barely got by with multiple part-time jobs in convenience stores and gasoline stations and the money he earned was never enough. Soobin also took part-time jobs in hopes of helping Yeonjun but he kept getting fired. How was he going to travel with a dangerously low amount of money?

He realized how reckless he's been in making the decision. Right after reading Soobin's letter, he immediately packed his stuff up including water, clothes, food and money; he was gonna leave, right there and then. He had to get away as soon as possible and there was no turning back now- the bus station was just a couple of walking minutes away. Yeonjun shivered underneath his hoodie, questioning his life choices. _Was he actually going to do this? He had zero experience with traveling- what if he gets lost? What if he messes up? What if he gets kidnapped or something?_ He shook his head and decided to push these questions away. Now was not the time for what ifs. 

He arrived at the bus station and sure enough, there was a bus stationed by the side of the road. Only a few people were on board since not many people really take the bus at midnight, right? Yeonjun sighed to himself. _Well, here goes nothing._ He thought to himself as he boarded one of the buses. Around five to seven people were seated, most of them were elderly people. He chose a seat at the back of the bus, away from everyone else. He pulled out his earphones and listened to the Spotify playlist Soobin made for him years ago; he said it was a playlist Yeonjun could listen to whenever he felt down and empty. _If only he knew._ Yeonjun had a mini heart attack when the bus started to leave, his anxiety growing worse every second.

Because the thing was, he had no idea where he was going. 

The sunlight shining through the bus window harshly woke Yeonjun up, and it took a minute or two for him to take in his surroundings. He was in a bus with some random ass people, and he was heading somewhere God knows where. He pulled back one of the curtains and decided to get a glimpse of where he was. He was surrounded by buildings but he definitely wasn't anywhere near Seoul- compared to Seoul, it looked like a mix of small buildings and cute little shops. Yeonjun smiled to himself and took out his phone, wanting to capture the unknown city's pretty scenery until he saw 13 missed calls and a couple of unread messages from Beomgyu and Taehyun. 

**Gyu (7:04 a.m.) :** _Hey, you never told us if it was ok to visit today :((_

 **Taehyun (7:13 a.m.) :** _Well if you're not willing then it's ok! Me and Beomgyu baked some cookies last night and I guess we'd just drop it by really quick :D_

 **Taehyun (7:28 a.m.) :** _We're outside :3_

_*1 missed call from Beomgyu*_

**Gyu (7:32 a.m.) :** _We're hereeeeeee why aren't you answeriiiiing :( Are you still asleep?_

 **Taehyun: (7:33 a.m.) :** _Yeonjun???????_

_*2 missed calls from Taehyun*_

_*4 missed calls from Beomgyu*_

**Gyu (7:49 a.m.) :** _ok now you're really scaring me I think you're not even home-_

 **Gyu (7:49 a.m.)** **:** _HEY_ _CHOI YEONJUN WHERE TF ARE YOU_

_*6 missed calls from Taehyun*_

_Well crap._ Yeonjun contemplated if he would call and text them back or not; he honestly didn't want anyone to know where he was or why he left and besides, he wouldn't be able to give an answer if they asked him where he was because he himself didn't know either, for God's sake. He literally ran away without even thinking, and now he didn't even think of Beomgyu and Taehyun. Sighing, he decided not to reply and turned off his phone to save its battery. He felt extremely hungry since he hasn't eaten anything since breakfast yesterday, but he didn't want to waste his food since his hunger was still bearable. He had to use everything he had wisely; it was gonna be a long journey and he was very low on money. 

Yeonjun finally realized how much mess he got himself into; he was in the middle of nowhere, with a very limited amount of supplies. He should've asked Beomgyu and Taehyun for help at least, but _no,_ he chose to be careless- stupid move number 1. Sighing at his stupidity, he stood up carefully and told the bus driver to drop him off wherever the hell he was- stupid move number 2. He got off the bus and took a look at his surroundings. He was probably in a province, by the looks of it. _Soobin, I need your help._ Yeonjun asked Soobin in his mind, not even sure if Soobin would hear him. His watch read 8:20 a.m. so that meant the bus ride was around eight hours. _Eight hours._ He was eight hours away from Seoul, and he was very close to losing his mind. 

Part of him wanted to give up and go to the nearest bus station to take a bus back to Seoul, but he reminded himself he was doing this for Soobin. And he's already gotten this far, it would be a waste to just back out, right? He pulled out his phone and texted Beomgyu.

**Yeonjun:** um hey

 **Gyu:** OH MY GOD WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU

 **Yeonjun:**...honestly idk

 **Gyu:**????? wdym u dont know??????

 **Yeonjun:** i did something stupid

 **Gyu:** Am i surprised? no :))

 **Yeonjun:** i'm in the middle of nowhere pls send help

 **Gyu:** how did you even get to wherever you are now im-

 **Yeonjun:** i took a bus earlier around 12am but the thing is, i dont even know where i'm going, i just randomly took a bus-

 **Gyu:** I-

 **Gyu:** what was the reason-

 **Yeonjun:** well- i found a letter soobin was supposed to give me- turns out he wanted to travel and climb a mountain with me. and i'm making that dream come true.

 **Gyu:** awww then go for it! you should've at least told us at first tho :((

 **Yeonjun:** im sorry, idk- i was just so reckless that night

 **Yeonjun:** anyways i have to go

 **Gyu:** lmao go where? you dont even know where you are pleASE-

 **Yeonjun:** exploring? traveling? i've never done something like this in my life-

 **Gyu:** ok then take care ok? i'll tell taehyun what you're up to, just text us when you need help :3

Yeonjun turned off his phone, smiling at the screen. It felt good talking to a familiar person after a long while. 

He decided he was going to use this traveling experience or whatever it is as a time for coping, even though he was alone and scared. Deep down, he knew Soobin _was_ with him, he just couldn't see him. That's...how guardian angels work right? Soobin was now his guardian angel, and hopefully he'd protect him from time to time. _It would've been even more fun if you were here, you know?_ Yeonjun thought, hoping Soobin would somehow hear what he said. But Yeonjun had no idea what hell he was going to go through.


End file.
